A Magical Christmas Eve

It's Christmas eve. We are off to see our eldest son Noel today. Twenty eight years ago today he came into the world. I remember it like yesterday. It was probably about 1.30am and I remember a star studded sky in those early hours as I left the hospital. Just before his birth I was asked to leave the delivery room as the doctor felt there may have been difficulties with the delivery. I waited for about 10 minutes, which seemed like an hour, then a lovely smiling nurse appeared and said "Well, do you want to come and see your son?" It was an unforgettable moment. I stayed with them until they both fell asleep after a long, exhausting labour. In the yellow haze of the lights in the grounds I noticed snow falling lightly and you could smell it in the air - you can always smell snow. And now he is a father himself, so today for the first time, he'll be celebrating his birthday with his son Louis. It will be a magical Christmas eve!

Christmas Traditions

If I see another mince pie I'll be sick and its not even Christmas eve yet! Where do all of these mince pies come from? Home made, shop bought, cafe shelves --------there's no end to them. And if we're honest, they don't really taste very nice do they?, all that heartburn-inducing pastry and claggy mushed up scenty-soap tasting fruit - yuk! And I'm not easily fooled by the thick top crust being left off, sticking a little star sprinkled with "organic" icing sugar on the top then charging double the normal price for the pleasure of consuming it! And as 'Christmas fare' is the topic for the moment, what about those good old favourites - sprouts?. I've never seen so many sprouts in the whole of my life as I have in the past seven days. Sacksful or should it be sack fulls? delivered here, there and everywhere in preparation for the 25th meal of all meals. An old great aunt of mine, God rest her soul, used to start cooking them at around eight in the morning for a 3.00pm dinner. By 11 a.m my appetite often began to wane. Isn't there a disproportionate amount of glitter on the cards this year? Our favourite was the card with the ginger guinea pig, dressed up as Rudolph, complete with red nose, antlers and lots of glitter. I think we've received enough shiney metal to fill at least 3 scrapyards!

We Change to Grow

Wednesday evening marked the completion of our spiritual awakening course. The focus for this final gathering evening was 'health'. I feel honoured to have been travelling with these souls for the past seven weeks, it's been quite a journey, sometimes over difficult terrain. I've learned so much from being in this sacred circle. We plan to meet in the New Year, in someone's new home which begins with a blessing for the house - a great way to begin 2008, the year of transformation

Works of Art

I finally got round to planting this year's indoor hyacinth bulbs, bought locally a couple of weeks ago. I love blue hyacinths growing in the house at this time of year. At present the flowers are chubby lumps, tiny pearls of white, blue and green compressed above each bulb. They've been sitting in the shed for a while and are now ready to move into the house. I spent half an hour at dusk planting them into old brass planters, discovered on a jam packed street corner bazzaar in Valetta many moons ago. In two or three weeks time, their beautiful blooms and heavenly scent will be wafting down the hallway, transforming the space with their Vermeer newness and beauty.

Here and Now............ and Remembrance

Today the 'practicalities' of the moment came into being. Paperwork, short journeys and 'phone calls - the making and receiving of, there were so many 'things to do' and such an early start to the day. The strength of women has been on my mind a lot today.When someone close dies and we are there with them, there is something difficult and profound taking place. Nothing can be done except to 'accept' everything which is happening in the moment. 'Acceptance' I think, is one of life's most challenging spiritual practices. What if every person in the world tomorrow stopped praying for 40 days and practised 'acceptance' each of those days instead. I wonder what changes might come about in each person and in our world? In the sacred moment of 'being' in the 'now' there is for me, ironically, a strong sense of deja vu. I remember the first time of being with a dying person, I think I was about 15 years old, 10 years after my father's death, (my intial intitiation into into an underworld I knew nothing about). Such clear memories of that green painted side ward and the light above his bed, our regular visits in those final weeks and days, the sound of the oxygen mask and the physical transformation of his wasting frame - we waited and waited. He had been our friend since we were small. I think it must have been in the early hours, it was so dark - his light went out and my life changed in all the sorrow of that moment. It happened again, some 15 years later. This time at his home. It was a long night, his breathing so laboured after the years of illness. Sitting with him overnight and late morning the following day, his breathing stopped. I still miss him.

An Angel is Missing

Well, the decorated tree looks different this year. It's missing something - our Angel. S/he perches at the pine pinnacle every December but this year things seem a little different. The question is - where has s/he gone? And I have to say, this is not the best time of the year for an angel to go missing. Is there a "missing angel's bureau" I wonder? What if s/he has flown to a far off place only to descend onto some unsuspecting tree in a lovely warm room? Would an angel knock off another angel from the top of a tree - I think not? What if s/he has returned to Homeland unexpectedly? Or maybe s/he's still wrapped in bubble wrap, nestled in one of last year's little boxes, placed somewhere in a hidden corner of the dusty attic, which is forever dusty. Tomorrow the search begins.

I Must Go Down to the Sea Again

Yesterday I drove over to the coast. It was raining hard, continually and waterlogged main roads en route, touched by the tyres sent spray shooting upwards like roadside geysers.
Leaving the house on such a stormy afternoon allowed my mind to wander and contemplate the the anticipated beauty of my destination. The sea, on arrival was a grey turbulence, foaming and heaving, such relentless Neptunian recklessness right in front of me -- and so so very cold, deep, lonely and dark. Ice was forming in the falling rain and as I walked, the scarf was wrapped more tightly. I hadn't visited this special place since early autumn and in the space of three months everywhere looked so different, the leafless, blackened tree branches in the main street, bowing to those commanding winter-gods of air. In some lost little seaside town, illuminated shop windows were filled with the remains of the last seasons sales and newer advent merchandise, tinselled appropriately. In this place there's a sense of seasonal imminence spilling out out onto rainy pavements and into the closing soggy moments of the late afternoon air. The sky, just couldn't be painted today. Maybe I'll go down to the sea again soon, to the lonely sea and the sky.

December Morning

This morning I watched the house sparrows and blue tits feeding in the front garden. I'm so focused on watching them. This is more like a meditation. I start thinking about how busy I've been and remind myself to savour more quiet moments like this over the coming weeks. The little tree has now shed all of its leaves and stands naked and strong against the ice-blue December sky. At this time of year I like to adorn its tiny branches with five filled bird feeders of various kinds. No sooner are they in place, those tiny hungry creatures, with wings moving like hummingbirds, cling to the timber- metal casings and busily peck away. Nut crumbs are widely scattered onto the soil below and the garden is filled with the song of twenty tiny birds. This is a very special December morning.

"Pain" Kahil Gibran

And he said "Your pain is the breaking of the shell which encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And you could keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy. And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields".

Louis and Me - "We Two Kings"

A couple of weeks ago I bought a lovely little crib with painted figures for Louis. It will be his first Christmas so it seemed a good idea at the time. When I got home and unwrapped it I noticed one of the figures was missing. I rang the shop to explain the situation. As it's coming up to Christmas time I thought I would explain the problem in song, so I said to the owner that I had been into the shop earlier and had purchased some goods but there was a problem with them, so I said, "I'm just going to sing a song to you which will give you a clue as to the problem. There was a big pause and the woman on the other end of the phone said "Oh, right" and then discretely whispered to someone else in the shop, (I heard it so it wasn't that discrete), something like "oh dear, its going to be one of those days, I can just tell". Anyway I proceeded to take in a deep breath before singing "We two kings of orient are, bearing gifts etc., etc. After this impromptu carol, I then asked her if she had any clues about the problem with the goods I'd bought earlier? At this point she laughed, with some relief and said, "oh, yes, I remember you buying the crib this morning". She was really apologetic and said I could return the crib and a full refund would be given, but added that unfortunately this was the last crib in stock, therefore it couldn't be replaced. I asked her if she had a spare king anywhere lying around but alas none were to be found, a store full of Christmas goods, but the place was completely "kingless"! A kind friend, with artistic talents is now making a new king for Louis' crib. Thank goodness, Louis and me will be able to sing the original carol for his first Christmas now.

Journeys

It's cold and dark outside today as I leave the warmth of the house. At 7.15am, the blackened sky is changing as night ice melts into newly forming puddles on the road. Morning is always a favourite time as winter approaches. Even so I'm transported back to those magical mornings in Cyprus only a month ago. Arriving for meditation and prayers at 5 each morning, the 'connection' and watching the different sunrises of 6 new days and how can I forget breakfasting on pomegranites, split open and piled into baskets, fresh from the tree! I cross the road at the bridge and gaze at the river just below. An English morning sky is in indigo transition, then sliding to pastel blue and the glorious pink-yellow sun smiles through magenta clouds. Soon it will be light. The garden looks so different. Time for porridge!

"Living and Being"

We all meet up together on wednesday evenings for this new course in spiritual awakening and development. This group is very special, so interested and naturally loving. There's 'big' work going on here. Our theme for this evening was "Expressing Ourselves in the World". We began with a discussion about Mercury and its function within the natal chart, following this up by exploring each of our Mercury 'placements' to gain more understanding of how this important planet influences our style of communication and operates in our lives. The exercise was so revealing. Two of the group had watched the "Tuesdays With Morrie" video and were sharing how much they'd loved it. We did some follow up on the Cosmic Ordering exercise from the previous week with some very interesting feedback and positive results.
This week is National Tree Week and The Tree Council is organising lots of "Tree" awareness events up and down the country. On my trip out with Louis this morning we walked through the woods for about 2 miles, well, he was in his pushchair observing and I was walking! The air was damp but I'd wrapped my scarf around him for extra insulation. He is so observant. He enjoys counting the trees and loves watching the leaves fall. On the way home we walked through an underpass. He just loves going through it. I stand at one end calling his name and he sits at the other end laughing when he hears the echo. The other day I was singing and dancing for him and he was really loving it. My only slight embarrasment was a passer by ( I hadn't really noticed due to being so absorbed in the moment), who walked past us smiling discretely, with her head bowed down.

All the Leaves were Brown and The Sky was Grey

Managed to get back into the garden early this morning. I love the garden at this time of year, most of the perennials have died or are in the process of dying and the soil's darkening surface is almost covered in a chocolate coloured blanket of fallen, dead leaves. Over time their autumnal beauty will diminish as they begin to break down and their rotting away begins. Heraticlus said "Nature loves to hide", but She will continue with her work on them until the transformation process is complete and their gift of an abundance of nutrients is repaid to the earth. After a heavy rainfall during the night, the river was swollen and had risen considerably during the course of the day. Its energy seems to change so rapidly from a flat shining stillness into that liquid-grey gushing turbulence, like some sort of upside down rainy November sky. So here I stayed, working in this cold, damp and quiet space for three hours. By the time I'd finished, the hunger pangs had begun so a warm bowl of porridge, laced with some local honey and topped with chopped dried apricots went down a treat!

Returning

We made a special visit today, to see someone in the family who is approaching the end of life. Even though this man is in good spirits and warmly welcomes us as we arrive, I notice how his very delicate situation brings up all the old "stuff" inside me, about losing someone close. I watch her hold her father's hand so gently and he strokes it, there's such tenderness and love in their presence with each other. And in my witnessing, all sorts of memories come flooding back, some so overwhelming that I mentally remind myself to pull myself together. I look away then gaze at the neatly cut squares of carrot cake in the open tin, as if to sweeten the painful memories of loss in my life. In this moment I'm returning, to learn once again about respecting and appreciating the beauty and majesty of this precious human life, meditating on the one thing that holds it all together, love.
Love never dies. Isn't that a line from one of my favourite books, "Tuesdays with Morrie"? If ever there's a book to read about real love before we die, I think it must be that one. Alongside Shakespeare's Hamlet, I think there were some significant writings I was destined to read in this lifetime.
After our visit we walk by the sea, a gentle stroll together on this bright and windy November day. We talk about endings in our own lives as children growing up, losing parents , then step-parents and how we managed to stay afloat in those great big seas of sadness so many moons ago. And then we smile and shiver in the afternoon late autumn breeze as we talk about candy floss, Punch and Judy and those long, eternal days of summer, playing for hours on this beach we are looking at right now in front of us. On the way back to the car we recall the "Lost Childrens" tent from childhood days and share how glad we were, as children, never to have had to have been 'reclaimed' there, all those years ago.
Today, I count all my blessings.

Angels and Wizards

Is it really friday already? I spent this afternoon at our youngest son's and partner's place on the other side of the town, putting in the first of the lavender plants in the herb garden. The sun was so strong and I pottered away, completely unaware of time, in the cold late autumn sunlight. Even though its late, I managed to plant tiny Iris, Crocus and huge daffodil bulbs. The soil had become compacted since late summer so it needed a little bit of work on it before setting the different bulbs. I was surprised to see the most beautiful display of pink and purple pelargoniums, held as a snapshot in the sunny afternoon air. We've had one or two early frosts of late but these little gems have escaped having flowers and leaves nipped to date.
Where has the week gone I'm wondering? Yesterday and the day before I was with Louis from early morning till after dark. We had some fun during our two days together. He is growing so fast and seems to becoming so much more observant. He watches everything going on around him with interest. I'm becoming more adept at feeding time too, less food over Louis and me and more going directly into his mouth. He is enjoying the new finger puppet activity, featuring me singing "Five Currant Buns in the Baker's Shop". He's also starting to roll over onto his tummy more on the playmat, although he tends to find it a little frustrating after a while and asks for help to get sorted out. Yesterday I played my new Krishna Das CD for him which he really liked, those mantras are so calming and great chants to move to! He's a little angel!
Tuesday was a wonderful day too, meeting up with a great friend for a few hours. He went to have a new electric guitar altered he's just purchased. This friend is a wizard guitar player and has a singing voice to match. When he was discussing what needed doing with the man at the guitar workshop, I couldn't understand a word they were talking about!, another language altogether it seemed, it was a bit like being back at the centre in Cyprus a few weeks ago! All in all, it was a magical day, we had so much 'catching up' to do, as a lot has happened since we last met up. We found a quiet, warm coffee shop out of the wind and had time to put the world right as well as enjoying a good laugh together about our respective journeys through this amazing life we are living!
I finally got my newsletter sorted http://www.heartways.co.uk/ It seems to have taken me some time to put it together as I've been really busy over the past few weeks. The thing is, its trying to remember the stuff that's been going on since the summer - that's such a long time away!
An angel who lives nearby helped me with inserting the photos alongside the text, he is an absolute wizard with technology. We need wizards in our life. Angels are also great blessings too. In my experience, wizards and angels are all around us in life, just waiting to help out, whenever we wish to call on them. They always respond!

Clearing the Way

My early morning journey took longer than anticipated as I followed a slow moving tractor along the long and winding road towards town. I thanked the Universe for the reminder to slow down and be mindful of patience during my day today. Slowing down gave an opportunity to really take in the beautiful early morning sights of a mid November morning. The air temperature had definitely dropped and the miles of hedgerows had been kissed by crystals of frost which sparkled as the yellow sun rose in a chamomile, ice blue sky.
Arriving back home half an hour later I cleared the little patch of ground against the garden path wall. The last of the orange zinnias had been burnt by the morning frosts recently and looked a bit worse for wear. The purple sweet peas still remain, although most were transported to my workshop for saturday. I need my flowers when I'm teaching. They are a reminder to be grounded and that all learning comes from a remembrance of our Source. Rosemary was placed on each person's chair before the event began. We grow and we change and we flower.
The bed was cleared and I removed some of the exisiting soil to other areas of the garden as a top cover around the perennials for this time of year. Some fresh compost was toppled into the exisiting bed for thw earthworms to work on and this will be left to settle for a couple of days. By that time the earth will be ready to receive the wallflower plants I've been looking after for the past week and a half at the back of the house. I trust that over the next few weeks, their roots will have time to establish themselves in the new beds and by spring the pathway to the house will be lined with a blaze of colour and heavenly sent scent!

"Being You, Being True"

Yesterday I spent the day with 25 special souls who came along to take part in a special workshop to learn more about the Truth of being. I felt blessed to be in the company of so many interested and sincere seekers of truth, learning so much from each of them during our day together. The team arrived early at our secret location to set up for the day ahead. It was a cold, bright morning following the New Moon in Scorpio and the remaining leaves of a fading autumn cascaded from the clouded skies, as we drove to the venue. In the main room, chairs were carefully arranged in a circle and blessed with incense and rosemary before participants arrived. The window table was filled with bowls of holy water containing tiny pressed autumn leaves and chinese lanterns from the gardens of a friend. This space would facilitate an opening sacred ceremony for the day as each participant created their unique individual connection with the four elements of fire, earth, air and water. Refreshments and food, which had been so lovingly prepared, offered and blessed were transferred from cars to the large kitchen. Tiny homemade sweets, dotted with pistchios and violets, then offered to Lakshmi were placed in the fridge until afternoon tea time. Our reception area by the entrance was transformed for the day - as rows of tea light candles and vases of Iris were placed on the mantelpiece of the huge cold stone fireplace and the table of stars. As guests began to arrive, they were greeted and given their symbols for the day and as they moved into the refeshments room, we began our prayers and meditations in the main hall. Curtains were closed and candles were lighted. As Sagittarius was rising, "Jupiter" was selected from Holst's Plants, as we opened the door and invited everyone to take their sacred place in this newly formed circle of light and truth. The journey to the Sun has begun, on a limitless course towards the universal season. Hari om and Godspeed.

Friendship, "the fast root in my heart".

This should have been my second weekend in year two at the seminary. My thoughts were with my sisters and brothers there. I really missed them this weekend, with some sadness about my decision to leave. I recalled the friends I'd really connected with during my year on the programme, such beautiful, life affirming souls. I kept thinking of our funny lunchtime gatherings, sitting on the benches in the square, laughing, crying and sharing stories of this amazing journey through the beautiful Cosmos. But it was time to go, I know it was time to go.

We arrived in darkness at our cottage in the Lakes on friday evening. Our friends, special friends for many moons, had arrived a couple of hours beforehand, in the daylight. We were warmly greeted by them from the hot tub in the garden! After a long drive it was wonderful to change, soak in the bubbles and spend some easy time 'catching up' on our lives.
The next day the sun stayed with us in a clear blue sky, with only a slight breeze to shift those remaining copper coloured leaves from their branches - the whole place was a picture.
Memories of the weekend - loving friends both near and far, the hot tub and the cool air, the beauty of the changing landscape, lots of fresh air, walks, cooking fresh food and tasting some lovely wines, coversations over coffee and rich, dark organic chocolate cake!, Grizedale Forest walks and Hawkeshead revisited. I love this little quote, taken from a book given to me by one of my friends at the weekend "Friendship is the fast root in my heart, it is like a white rose in the wilderness" (Peig Sayers)

Remembrance of Lefke

I've just returned from Lefke. What beauty I encountered there. A place of love. Meeting so many souls of pure devotion. Each morning at 4.00am I left my bed, showered, then set off on a short walk in the moonlight of a starry sky, a short way to the centre. Passing the gnarled olive trees and along that main street, jasmines, like tiny white stars tumbled over walls kissing the air with their unforgettable fragrance. Magenta bougainvillea, mimosa, orange and lemon trees lined the walkway to the heart place. We began our prayers at 5.00am and chanted till dawn, then shared split-jewelled pomegranites, hot sweet tea and stories.
Later, into the garden I went to smell the secret rose, another doorway to the unseen, the invisible and divine Oneness, a tasting of the most sacred Sweetness and here I was, arriving, absorbed in the warmth and the majesty of beauty of it all.

This I Have Now

Tomorrow my journey to Lefke begins
Leaving a cooling orange England
Bound for a summer garden am I
Did I really say "Yes, I'm ready" all those months ago?
This flying time I'm in
The journey begins tomorrow, a real heart-to-heart
And this I have now, is not imagination
That will come and go
In the now, this is the presence
That doesn't

Friendship Weekend

I spent some sacred time with two special friends over the past two days. She is just great company. We travelled by car to the Rumi event up North. It was so light and enjoyable, just what I needed after a hectic day. As with all of Rumi's messages, we heard what was needed to be heard just at the right time. Rumi only speaks to our hearts - he is the poet, mystic, teacher, healer -----and revered saint of the Sufi path.
My other friend, he is great company too. He travelled over to here from the other side of the country so that we could spend some time together. We had so much catching up to do, not having seen each other since the end of year summer retreat. The river walk in the late afternoon autumn sunshine was wonderful. My friend is such a gentle man. In the evening I cooked us some eastern dishes and he asked if it was ok to say 'grace' before we began our meal. We talked and listened and tired each other out. We laughed about life, drank some beer, talked about the heart and shared our most memorable moments of the past year on the course. What a weekend!

Rumi said "Say I Am You"

This day has been a relating day. We came together this morning to meditate and reflect on the big issue of life, that is, relationship. Our time together began with some moments of sacred silence in this growing circle of connection. Somehow a tiny pair of sycamore seeds, joined in an arc, like two little keys, found their way onto the floor of the healing room, at the start of our learning journey for the day. They were a timely reminder of the two keys to understanding life -- the relationship we have with our self and the relationship we have with others. Astrologically, we are now moving through the closing days of Libra. Libra is the second 'air' sign of the zodiac, associated with communications, as is each sign operating in the air trinity. Libra's planetary ruler is Venus, the guardian of balance and harmony in life and the overseer of all relating and relationships. Relationships in life are often our biggest spiritual testing ground. The best way to find out who we truly are is to be 'in relationship' with another. Life is full of relationships and living life to the full is all about relating. And just when we think we are beginning to understand who we truly are, along comes our next 'teacher in disguise' to remind us of the distance we still need to travel in becoming true to our self and accepting who we are. I'm reminded of the play Hamlet and Polonius' fatherly advice to his departing Laertes, .... "but this above all, to thine own self be true". But "being true" can be a challenging task for many of us. For some, being true is too high a price to pay. "Better to be safe than sorry" we say. In relationship, some prefer to forfeit their right to be true, being swayed by an 'other', rather than to be true to themselves. Life is full of spiritual teachers and guides in disguise, though we may not always be able to recognise them as such, especially in the subtle ways they tend to make their entrances into our lives. The most effective teachers can often trigger those deep, deep feelings that we don't wish to see in our self -- irritation, coldness, phoneyness, loudness, annoyance and lack of acceptance. In relationship, we allow others to become our mirror, so that we can learn more about our own truth. No one, with whom we are in any kind of relationship ever needs to do anything to change the way they are. There isn't anyone in our life who isn't supposed to be there. The only way to accept every part of who we are, is to accept every 'other' in our life, without conditions. And when this begins to happen, something quite indescribable and magical starts to unfold right there in front of us.

Louis and Me (5)

Tempus fugit! Planting those wallflowers in the corner of the front garden will ensure a beautiful, scented display of reds and orange in the Spring rains. But back to here and now. Louis and I went for a late morning stroll under the sycamores this morning. He loves watching them shimmer and fall in the breeze. I notice a new species of humans on our walks, the 'people of the puschairs' - they're all over the place! I'm now getting into a good routine with him and taking a leaf out of his book i.e. each time I put him into his cot for a nap, I take one too. Doesn't a couch feel so comfortable when you're tired? I think he's beginning to get used to me. Lunch was a bit of a challenge today as each time I gave him a spoonful of food on his little spoon, he smiled very widely as it went in, so it was quite difficult trying to get the food to stay in his mouth. I'll need to have a rethink on this before lunchtime tomorrow!

New Beginnings - Louis and Me (Part 4)

48 special hours have just flown past! Where is the time going these days? Yesterday I began my new part time 'job', looking after Louis. I really liked the way this new venture got off to a great start with a New Moon (in Libra) yesterday. A New Moon is considered to be an auspicious time for new beginnings -----and the sign of Libra is all to do with communication in relationship, so what a wonderful time to be starting to spend two precious days a week with my beautiful 5 month old grandson. Yesterday I managed the breakfast, bottles, lunch, nappies, songs and stories fairly smoothly. Louis is really patient and forgiving, especially at meal times, if I miss his mouth with his new solid foods. We also had a walk out, late morning to watch the autumn leaves fall. The only thing was, he went off to sleep in his puschair after passing under the first tree, a huge horse chestnut dropping its finger-like green and yellow leaves. Louis is so observant. We counted the fallen conkers together, as I picked them up and he giggled from his puschair. Today, it was time for his second round of vaccinations. Not an easy time for a baby. He really let out a scream when the nurses gave him the jabs, but he soon recovered, full of smiles and chuckles as we left the surgery in the October sunlight. It was such a mild day today. He always seems to love feeling the breeze on his face.

Fire and Rain in The Season of Mellow Fruitfulness

A second amazing autumn weekend this year just came to a close. I'm blessed to have spent some sacred time in this big noisy city with its huge population, majestic buildings and so many trees. Blessed also for my reason for being here, that is, to be journeying with such a group of beautiful souls. The square I've been sitting in over lunchtimes during the past year, must be one of the noisiest squares on earth! - pigeons, orchestras & bands, sellers, fountains, buskers, dancers, traffic, colours, smells, flags in the wind, festivals, fire, water, protests and all these faces passing by - a carnival of celebration of a vibrant city life. Sitting on benches in the open air with kindred spirits - all that laughter, warm friendship, the sharing of philosophies and the challenging and acceptance of our ideas and questions, fresh air and food, coffee-to-go and miracles-to-come, the courage of being present, with ourselves and each other. Sometimes that search for a quiet space in the noisy, traffic filled places (we often find ourselves in), is a wonderful reminder that we still have a long way to travel before we find the kind of space we're looking for. A new journey begun many moons ago, to reach what I thought was my destination, (at that time), has been slowly transforming itself into the biggest and most beautiful stepping stone--------to somewhere much farther away than I had originally anticipated. I love long distance travelling, on both inner and outer journeys. These past few months I've been really listening carefully to the messages, coming to me in all sorts of ways as I journey onwards. I hear now. In daring myself to look, I now see everything I need to see, as here it is, right in front of me. The most sacred messages and signs have a lovely habit of arriving at just the right time in life don't you think? On saturday night I didn't sleep well, waking every few hours to the same song playing in my head, a song I've not heard for a long, long time. I wondered why? I promised myself that when I got back home, I'd listen to a recording of the song and use it for some inner work. It's called "Fire & Rain" by James Taylor, a very moving song, I think about loss. And having listened to it when I got home I remembered that its a song often played by a very special friend of mine, a friend I've not been in touch with for some time. Later in the day, when I contacted him, it was so wonderful to hear his voice again and as we talked, he laughed as I relayed my story of the song waking me up. When I rang him he was chopping wood for the fire! An abundance of signs and messages arrived so unexpectedly over the weekend, colouring and enriching the time and space of that special 48 hours. It's funny, I've been feeling these changes so much so recently on my journey----more so this weekend gone, than ever before. Autumn, the season of the Soul is here. And yesterday, for me, Her presence permeated the air. I wonder if others felt it too? Outside, those leaves falling in currents of sunny October air, ---------unstoppable they were, like tears that fell down faces over this special weekend. Leaves and tears just love to fall don't they? Special people. My fresh air walk and 'time out' time is spent in the middle of the city, around the corner from the hotel where we're working, sitting under shimmering, breeze filled trees of maple. Here I am, meditating on the scent of crushed leaves and the taste of certainty in the air. And what is happening, now, is how its meant to be. In this space, the little mists of the past few months rise. The veil has lifted and everything becomes so much clearer, so "full on" - yet so quiet and ever so light. A New Moon in Libra approaches this coming Thursday - a time for reflection and reorientation. Every thing in its own time. Autumn, like this silence today turns so very golden in the moment of being here now. More leaves are falling and the clock strikes, chiming the hour's end, as the cycle of the season turns and in time, completes itself so beautifully. A time of remembrance. Shadows and light. "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose". On the surface of a red-golden-orange fallen leaf, a tiny seed of something settles onto the sacred earth. Into its presence, it will enter now.

Heavenly Scent

I didn't manage to sow and grow any of my favourite seeds/ plants this year, so I was really pleased to stumble across trayfuls of bundles of them sitting in the sunshine of a glorious autumn afternoon, in one of my favourite local garden centres.
When choosing Wallflower seeds I usually go for 'Blood Red', which on a cold misty Spring morning can really set empty flower beds alight! There are so many varieties now to choose from. Within the next couple of weeks I'll plant this afternoon's acquisitions in front of the house which, along with the bulbs going in now, will provide a heavenly scent and colourful display in the borders for March and April next year

Louis and Me (3)

What I really love every once in a while is being really present. Being really present is something very special that happens when you are completely absorbed in the moment, without any distractions. When you're really present, the moment and what is happening in that moment is completely real and sacred.
Late this afternoon I was with Louis. He is almost 5 months old now. I notice how observant he is and also I'm learning more and more about his responses --- to the voices and gestures of the people around him. He is really enjoying life and launching in to every experience! I think he's also cultivating discernment.
Today I was holding him on my knee and we were looking at one of his pop up books. He is so lively as we move through the pages together and as the next part of the Dinosaur story unfolds. I'm thinking "Is he really interested in the life of the Diplodocus or Tricerotops"?
Judging by his animated reactions and responses I'd say "yes"! He moves towards each page, head first, then hands, ready to eat as his little mouth opens to try a bite of the story.
Louis is always much more in 'the present' than I am.
This intention to 'be present' escapes me for the moment as I think back to the precious moments spent with Louis' Dad many moons ago, when I was in my early twenties, like the summer saturday we spent at the Dinosaur exhibition in York, I think when he was about five years old? And I can see him now, in his little red dinosaur t-shirt, putting his head through the narrow garden-park railings and laughing so loudly at my worried expression. Spending times like that with him was so precious. I wonder if he remembers any of those moments?
Twenty odd years on, I can't describe how it feels to be spending this time with Louis.
Just for today I count all my blessings.

Meditation for the Moment

"The character of a church, a business or a government can be seen in its attitude towards its detractors"
Notes on Love and Courage Hugh Prather

Nuns and Monks in Burma

Let's be mindful of the difficulties at the present time. Buddha said

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak
What good will they do if you do not act upon them?"

Resting Time Approaches

The back of our home faces a copse and fields not far from the river. This is one of the most beautiful times of the year. Autumn is boldly colouring its way in, reminding me once again, of the beauty in endings. Over the next few weeks the landscape will transform itself into a blaze of fiery oranges and reds, as leaves fade and fall and tiny berries begin to light up branches in the dimming light of day. Already, each morning, I'm sweeping up the fallen leaves in the back yard and checking that the pond doesn't become covered. I sense the early morning frosts are on their way, but am still tending to our lovely hanging basket of deep purple petunias and the cascading velvety burgundy pelargoniums at the front of the house - and also picking the last of the outdooor tomatoes from the plants which have been growing on the steps over the summer.
I spent the morning cooking three simple and delicious Indian vegetarian dishes for tonight's meal, for someone special who's coming to stay and then flying off to warmer climes early in the morning. A chunky red chilli taken from the very healthy pepper plants grown this year on a south facing sunny windowsill added some heat to one of the dishes. I'm looking at them now and realising that autumn will be on the dining table too tonight, as we feast on these delicious red, orange, golden flavours and colours . Its a while since we all sat round the table and shared some wholesome 'love' food together. And time now for a late afternoon nap - just bliss.

Sea of Celebration

Eating strawberries and drinking champagne at this time of year is quite an unusual occurence. (Well for me it is!). But today was different. I do love days that are different! This was a surprise birthday celebration for a friend. A few weeks ago, another friend and I began organising this small get together, which finally took place this afternoon, at the end of the pier, above the wildest North Sea I've ever seen at this time of year. In what seemed like gale force winds, we wholeheartedly enjoyed this great occasion with a little 'letting go' ritual, the reading of a poem on the theme of friendship, followed by a photo shoot, plenty of hugs, laughter, strawberries and champagne. I'm reminded of a favourite piece by Emily Dickinson which goes something like this:

"Nature assigns the Sun
That is Astronomy
Nature cannot enact a Friend
That - is Astrology"

Autumnal Equinox

The air temperature had definitely dropped today. The autumn equinox period is the
moment in time when the ecliptic (the sun's orbit around the earth) cuts the celestial equator. Astrologically, we move out of the mutable earth energy of the sign of Virgo into the communicative air sign of balance, Libra. There is also Full Moon today. The 'astrological' energy for the coming weeks is all about relationship - as Libra,(ruled by Venus) is concerned with balance, beauty and harmony in life. The Libran soul lesson is relationship.
My early morning walk before breakfast, led me to the crossing point of the river, which runs around the village where I live, just past the farm. The weeping willows shook in the breeze and the fast flowing water sparkled reflecting the late morning sun. The riverbanks are crowded with Impatiens but soon the morning frosts will alter this increasingly fragile but beautiful scenery. This place is a very different space in the different seasons.
The coldness of the morning ushered me back home for a morning of cooking.
On the menu was a simple vegetable soup from the freshest of ingredients including some of the leeks from the allotment and plenty of carrots, parsnips, red pepper, french beans and celery.
Some herbs from our sunny front garden were added - bay, sage, rosemary and some of the greenest parsley I've ever grown. With some home made wholemeal bread this will make a really warming and welcoming lunch for a friend who's visiting today. We haven't seen each other since early summer so it'll be a great occasion. We will slow down, share our news, reflect upon our 'journeys', enjoy some precious time together - and time permitting, some astrology. Shine on Harvest Moon!

Louis and Me

I spent the day with Louis ( pronounced "Louie"), today and his Mum. Louis arrived on June 1st this year. He is the first beautiful son of my eldest (beautiful) son (who'll celebrate his 27th bithday on Christmas eve this year) and his equally beautiful partner. I'm very excited at this time as soon we will be spending two days a week together, once his Mum returns to work in a couple of weeks. I've not looked after such a young baby for a long, long time. My world is about to change and big responsiblities are heading this way - bottles, nappies, baby foods, lullabies, nursery rhymes, songs, feeding and nap times, dancing and endless cuddles and conversations are all on the horizon. I'm a lucky man.
And today, in these early days of my "apprenticeship" with him, the glorious sunshine beckoned us to the beach. Beaches are always magnetic places at this time of year. Clouds filled the sky when we arrived and the sea, a canvas of dramatic grey. The strong winds transformed the flapping shop signs into a seaside orchestra. In his pushchair and wrapped in a soft teddy blanket, Louis accompanied me to the beach. We stopped at the seafront and felt the cold air on our faces. I was sharing some thoughts with him, that sometimes there are things in life which are so much greater and more powerful than ourselves, like the vast ocean in front of us and the unending sky above. I was looking at him and trying to understand that almost 27 years ago I became a father. And here in front of me was my son's son. Has it registered that I'm now a Granddad? Where did the last 27 years go? When our eyes met, he just kept smiling and laughing ---- reminding me not to miss the specialness of the moment of this being together.

Friendship

This morning I travelled south a few miles to be with a friend. Leaving the house in the pouring rain I noticed how quickly parts of the road in the village become flooded. By the time I arrive at my friend's house, the rain has stopped and, as always, I'm warmly welcomed. Three years ago I began visiting him. He is a great soul. During the visit, he enthusiastically shares the detail of his long and interesting life, a life that was interrupted a few years ago when he was diagnosed with a disease which plays complete havoc with his short term memory. Over a coffee he recalls his childhood days during the war with such extraordinary detail and I listen, trying to imagine growing up in England during the war. I'm touched by this open sharing of so many memories. When its time to leave, we arrange another visit in two weeks time then shake hands and he thanks me "for listening". To listen to a friend is a great way start another beautiful day.

Bridge of Sighs

This late September weekend has been so special, this journey - yesterday and today, working, playing, laughing, eating, relaxing, serving, crying and healing together. Times of remembrance, our true natures. So much respect and love for our selves and each other. Stories were shared and the listening was holy. All the beauty of each of those sacred moments spent together. This sunny morning, as we closed eyes and held each other on the bridge, tears fell under willows, sighs and weeping into the warm autumnal morning breeze. Stones in the flowing water and sticks of chosen colour as we decided in that single moment. And so safely we stood in our own truth, ready to let go of what needed to be released, serenely, a little less holding on, more an opening of hearts. Mists cleared, new paths ahead, lighter steps as goodbyes were said and 6 bridges were crossed. The sky smiled and joy and laughter guided us on our way home.

Autumn Beach Walk

Today was a most beautiful early autumn day. As I looked to the sky I thought "I must go down to the sea again". The sea calls me on days like these. All I need is an autumn sun in an ice blue sky, miles of deserted beaches and to walk the lines created where the sacred earth meets the sea.

Going into the Garden

Welcome to the first post on the Heartways' blog.

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